“When your child is removed, you still have to give your child that same love. You still have to be that consistent parent like you would be if you didn’t have a case. If you’re a youth in care, they’re going to hold that against you. But you can’t let them stop you from being a parent.”
-Sharkkarah Harrison, former youth in foster care
Your Rights When Your Child is Placed in Foster Care
When you lose custody of your child, it can feel like you have no rights, but you do have rights.
You have the right to spend time with your child. Family time, also known as visiting, may be the MOST important right you have while your child is in foster care, and when it comes to visiting, you have many rights! If you are not able to reach your caseworker about setting up visits or you would like to have more visitation time, speak to your caseworker’s supervisor or your lawyer.
Read more about your rights to family time here.
You have the right to be involved in your child’s life. Along with your child’s foster parent, you have the right to attend your child’s school conferences and medical appointments, and it is advisable that you do so, if at all possible. You should discuss this with your caseworker and your child’s foster parent.You should also speak to a member of your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. about your desire to attend meetings and appointments about your child. The social worker or parent advocate from your lawyer’s office are also able to discuss this issue with your caseworker and your child’s foster parent if you decide it would be helpful. The court can order that you be told about and invited to these important events in your child’s life.
You may also be able to see your child more frequently each week if your agency can arrange for your child to be brought to parent-child therapy. Parent-child therapy A family-centered treatment approach composed of behavioral and play therapy, used for children ages two to eight and their caregivers. The approach is meant to teach caregivers—which may include parents, adoptive parents, foster or kin caregivers—strategies promoting positive behaviors in children who have “disruptive or externalizing behavior problems.” helps a parent and child bond and interact in the most positive way possible. It also helps a parent understand a child’s behavior and emotions as well as different developmental stages. Foster parents don’t always want to add something else to their schedules, but this does not mean this type of service cannot or should not be arranged. Parent-child therapy can be an important part of your service plan An agreement with ACS detailing the services that will be required to address the safety concerns in the report. Service plans are based on an assessment of the family’s needs and circumstances. The family service plan should be prepared in consultation with the child if they’re 10 or older, with the child’s parent or guardian, unless they’re unable or unwilling to participate or their participation would be harmful to the child, and, when appropriate, with the child’s siblings. The plan shall include at least the following: Timeframes for periodic reassessment of the care and maintenance needs of each child and the manner in which such reassessments are to be accomplished Short-term, intermediate, and long-term goals for the child and family and actions planned to meet the needs of the child and family and each goal Identification of necessary and appropriate services and assistance to the child and members of the child's family Any alternative plans for services where specific services are not available and any viable options for services considered during the planning process Where placement in foster care is determined necessary, specification of the reasons for such determination, the kind and level of placement, any available placement alternatives, an estimate of the anticipated duration of placement, and plan for termination of services under appropriate circumstances. Speak to your lawyer and caseworker about it if you are interested.
Click here and here to read more about parent-child therapy.
If you are still in foster care, it may be possible to be placed with your child. If you are a youth in foster care, you can live in the same foster home as your child, even if your child is not in your custody. While it may be hard to find a foster parent who is willing to take on this responsibility, and it can be hard on you to live with a lot of new rules and restrictions, living with your child means there’s no break in your parent-child bond. Speak with your caseworker and lawyer about it.
It may be possible to have your child placed with family or close friends. If you have a relative, co-parent, or close friend who you think would be a good resource for your child, tell your lawyer, caseworker, judge and everyone involved in your case. Be prepared with names, dates of birth, phone numbers, and addresses as ACS and the foster care agency will want to perform a background check to see if any of them have a criminal record or past child welfare involvement. Even if they do, your lawyer may still be able to advocate for your child to be placed with them.
If you have another child in foster care and you want your children placed together, tell your lawyer and caseworker.
Many of the things you want for your new baby may be possible, even if ACS or the foster care agency says they are not.
Noncustodial parents. If you do not have custody of your child, your co-parent Someone who shares in the custody and care of your child. has lost custody, and you are not named in the family court case, you may have the legal right to gain custody of your child.
Speak with your lawyer or caseworker or find a young father’s program here to learn more about your rights.
What You Need to Know About Permanency
Federal law requires states to establish a “permanency plan A plan determining what happens to a child after they leave foster care. When creating the plan, the agency must choose between the five Permanency Planning Goals as indicated in the 1997 Adoption and Safe Families Act. As a young person in foster care, you have the right to contribute to your permanency plan and should speak with your lawyer about any questions or concerns you have regarding your permanency plan.” for each child in foster care. This plan establishes a goal for where a child will go after leaving foster care. The first goal in all child welfare cases is for your child to return to you, and it is your agency’s job to help you make that happen, but it is important for you to know that once your child is placed in foster care, you have a limited amount of time to reunify with your child or make another arrangement for your child before your parental rights can be terminated. Whether the permanency goal for your child continues being reunification When you and your child are safely together again at home. Reunification is one of the five permanency planning goals, determined at the Permanency Hearing and throughout the case, after your child has been placed in foster care. Over half of child protective cases end in reunification. or another permanency option depends, in part, on you.
Permanency plans include services that you must complete for your child to return home. Another important part of reunifying with your child is whether you spend time with your child and consistently attend family time, also known as visits.
If you find yourself too depressed, angry, or overwhelmed to follow through on your service plan or attend visits consistently, you should know that many parents feel this way. Ask for help immediately from someone you trust, including a member of your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf.. As your case progresses, you should know the different permanency options so that you can discuss them with your lawyer and decide what is right for you and your child. Permanency options include:
Reunification or return to parent. This is when your child returns to live with you.
Placement with a fit and willing relative. This is when your relative becomes your child’s custodian through an order of legal and physical custody.
Kinship Guardianship. This is an alternative to adoption and does not terminate your parental rights. The kinship guardian, who may be a family member or close family friend, must have been your child’s foster parent for at least six months. Permanency is achieved when the court legally declares this person to be your child’s guardian. Kinship guardianship, unlike custody, will allow your relative or friend to continue to receive monthly subsidies for your child, until their 21st birthday. Kinship guardianship, also called “Kingap,” is an option to consider if you think you may not be able to reunify with your child but want your child out of the foster care system. Though not guaranteed, with kinship guardianship, you may be able to regain custody of your child if your situation changes, if you and your relative come to an agreement, or if the court decides that your children should be with you.
Adoption. This is when parental rights are terminated and your child lives permanently with a family member or non-family member who becomes the child’s legal parent. Adoptions can be “open,” which means the biological parent can continue to have some form of contact with the child and adoptive family after the adoption, or “closed,” where all contact with the biological parent is prohibited.
Read an article about openness after adoption.
Another Permanent Planned Living Arrangement (APPLA A term created by the 1997 Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA), which stands for Another Planned Permanent Living Arrangement. It means that the child welfare agency is responsible for the care and custody of the child until a living situation is arranged where the youth will remain until adulthood. APPLA is only a permanency option when other options such as reunification, relative placement, adoption, or legal guardianship have been ruled out.). This is like “independent living,” and, even though it is not an option for children under 16, it is sometimes the goal for older youth, especially from ages 18-21. The court will want to be sure that any youth with a goal of “APPLA” has, among other things, a significant connection to an adult in the community. This adult may be the youth’s parent or family member, a foster parent, or someone else important in the youth’s life.
IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT TERMINATION OF PARENTAL RIGHTS:
If your child has been in foster care for 15 out of the most recent 22 months, the law requires that the agency petition the court to terminate your parental rights If a child has been in foster care for 15 of the most recent 22 months, the foster care agency must request that a parent’s rights be terminated, unless the case meets an exception, identified in the 1997 Adoption and Safe Families Act. If a parent’s rights are terminated, that means the child is legally eligible for adoption, and the parent no longer has legal or physical custody over their child. A TPR proceeding has its own petition, fact-finding hearing, and deposition., although there are some exceptions to this. Terminating your parental rights means permanently ending the legal parent-child relationship.
Knowing that there are time limits for reuniting with your child can help motivate you to work on your service plan or make a different permanency plan that you believe is in the best interest of your child.
If the agency or a judge changes the official goal from reunification When you and your child are safely together again at home. Reunification is one of the five permanency planning goals, determined at the Permanency Hearing and throughout the case, after your child has been placed in foster care. Over half of child protective cases end in reunification. to adoption or another permanency goal, that does not mean that your parental rights have been terminated. Many parents lose hope at this point, but permanency goals can be and are changed back to reunification.
If the agency or a judge changes your permanency goal to adoption, but you are committed to reunifying with your child, you should work with your lawyer to understand what you need to do to get your case back on track. You also can and should communicate to your caseworker how much you want to work with them to get the goal returned to reunification.
If the goal remains adoption, meaning the foster agency will file a petition to terminate your parental rights, you have the right to a trial. Even after a decision is made in that trial, a second trial or hearing A “trial” during which the judge listens to witnesses and reviews evidence. At the fact-finding hearing, ACS may present hospital and agency records, photographs, and other evidence of neglect or abuse, and may produce witnesses. If appropriate, the child may be called as a witness. Sometimes young children may be seen by the judge in "chambers" (the judge's office) instead of in the courtroom. Parents and caregivers have the right to cross-examine the witnesses and challenge the evidence produced in court, and to present their own witnesses and evidence. At the end of the trial (which may last several days and be spread out over months), the judge decides whether a parent neglected or abused their child., called a deposition A type of hearing that takes place after a parent has been determined to have neglected or abused their child. At this hearing, the judge decides whether a child should remain in foster care, return home, or be released to another person (perhaps a relative or the other parent) under ACS supervision. The judge may also order a parent to complete services in order to reunite with their child., will be held in Family Court to determine where your child will remain long-term based on what the judge determines is in your child’s best interest. You have the right to participate in both of these hearings, and a judge, not the foster care agency, makes the final decision.
Click here and here to learn more about termination of parental rights and how to prevent it.
Family Time (Visits): You’re Still the Most Important Person in Your Child’s Life!1
Spending time with your child in foster care lets your child know that you still love them and can show the child welfare system that you and your child have an unbreakable bond.
But seeing your child in foster care can also be painful and bring up bad memories from your own childhood. You may not know how to interact with your child when you have someone watching and judging you, especially if your visits are limited to an hour or two and take place in an agency room without toys (or with toys that don’t suit your child). Sometimes children are so confused when they’re placed in foster care that they act distant or angry around you, when they really want your love.
There are ways that you can prepare for time spent with your child that can make it better.
You may find that talking to a therapist, a parent advocate who’s part of your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf., or another supportive adult at your agency can help you with the emotions that come up during visits. In addition, it’s often helpful to plan a few activities to do with your child. Some parents say that having a plan for how to manage the emotional distress after visits is also very important.
In this section, you can learn about your rights to family time. If your rights aren’t being honored, the parent advocate or social worker on your legal team can help address problems by talking with someone at your agency or at ACS, while your lawyer can raise any issues you have with family time with the judge when you go to court. You should also make sure you clearly explain your concerns to your caseworker.
Rise, an organization by and for child welfare-affected parents, developed a set of four TIPS to help parents with visits. They include:
- Make the most of visits
- Advocate for your visiting rights
- Cope with your own past trauma and the trauma of separation during visits
- Use visits to help your child heal
Click here to read those TIPS.
Making the most of visits
by LYNNE MILLER
When ACS took my son away from me I felt like my world had ended.
At our first visit, I think I went into shock. My son and I spent nearly the whole visit crying all over each other.
Maybe it was the guilt I was feeling, but I felt I could see the mistrust in my son’s eyes. I didn’t know how I would be able to win back his trust.
Family time should start almost immediately after removal. Your visits should start within two business days of your child entering foster care to reduce the trauma to your child of separating from you. You have the right to visit with your child no matter what is going on with your case. If your visits haven’t started, you should immediately reach out to your lawyer.
Family time should last at least two hours a week. If you’re not getting at least two hours of family time right from the beginning, speak to your lawyer.
You should have more family time when your child is very young. If your child is an infant or toddler and you’re only getting two hours of family time, you and your lawyer can come up with a plan to advocate to increase your family time.
You have the right to make up family time if visits are cancelled by the agency or foster parent. If your family time is cancelled because the foster parent is not able to make it to the agency or the agency is closed on the day of your visit, you have the right to a makeup visit on a different day. It can be very upsetting when agencies don’t honor this right. Speak to your caseworker and your caseworker’s supervisor, your lawyer or the parent advocate or social worker who works with your lawyer if your visits are cancelled regularly, and/or if makeup visits are not being scheduled.
You may also want to send your lawyer an e-mail or text every time your family time is cancelled and not rescheduled. Your lawyer’s office should be able to help you keep track of and address cancelled family time.
An additional option is to have a notebook or calendar in which you write down:
- The dates that your family time was cancelled
- The stated reason for the cancellation, and what you did to try to reschedule
- Any other efforts you made, like asking to talk to a supervisor
- The dates when visits were made up, if they were
When it’s written down, it’s easier to share all that information with your lawyer and the judge.
If you have to miss family time, it is important that you let your caseworker know as far in advance as possible. If you miss family time because of an appointment or other reason, try to get documentation to show your caseworker that you had a valid reason to miss your scheduled visit.
If your personal schedule changes due to work, services or school, for example, in a way that makes it hard to get to family time at the agency, talk to your caseworker about changing the schedule for seeing your child.
Read more about making up cancelled visits.
Agencies should not assume that your family time needs to be supervised. Although many agencies assume that all parents need to start with supervised family time, this is NOT true. You have the right to unsupervised family time unless the agency can document specific safety reasons that indicate why supervision should be required. ACS policy states that visits should be held “in the least restrictive setting possible,” which means they should be unsupervised whenever possible. ACS policy also states that lack of participation in your service plan for any reason cannot be used as a reason for your family time to be supervised. There must be a legitimate safety concern identified if your family time is to be kept supervised.
Talk to your caseworker and then your lawyer if your family time is supervised and you believe it shouldn’t be. Even if your agency comes up with reasons for supervision that you don’t agree with, at least you’ll know what they believe needs to change and can address those concerns and then ask again for your family time to be unsupervised.
You can move from supervised to unsupervised family time between court dates. If you have addressed your agency’s stated safety concerns that led to your family time being supervised, your agency should contact ACS immediately to see about transitioning to unsupervised family time. They do not need to wait until the next court date. If you think you’ve addressed your agency’s safety concerns but your agency continues to require supervised visits, talk to your lawyer about it. Your lawyer may be able to work with your child’s lawyer to obtain unsupervised family time. Your lawyer may decide that it’s necessary to file papers in court to request unsupervised contact.
Your family time should increase as you progress in your case. You have the right to increased time spent with your child if you are moving forward in your case. That means you are having regular visits with your child where you are attentive and caring, and you are completing your service plan An agreement with ACS detailing the services that will be required to address the safety concerns in the report. Service plans are based on an assessment of the family’s needs and circumstances. The family service plan should be prepared in consultation with the child if they’re 10 or older, with the child’s parent or guardian, unless they’re unable or unwilling to participate or their participation would be harmful to the child, and, when appropriate, with the child’s siblings. The plan shall include at least the following: Timeframes for periodic reassessment of the care and maintenance needs of each child and the manner in which such reassessments are to be accomplished Short-term, intermediate, and long-term goals for the child and family and actions planned to meet the needs of the child and family and each goal Identification of necessary and appropriate services and assistance to the child and members of the child's family Any alternative plans for services where specific services are not available and any viable options for services considered during the planning process Where placement in foster care is determined necessary, specification of the reasons for such determination, the kind and level of placement, any available placement alternatives, an estimate of the anticipated duration of placement, and plan for termination of services under appropriate circumstances. If your family time is not increasing despite the progress you think you are making, you can ask your caseworker what it would take to increase your family time, or you can talk to your lawyer. Your family time can also be expanded to daytime unsupervised or overnight visits.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Losing your temper with your caseworker or your child’s foster parent should not be a reason to limit your family time, but it often is, especially if these negative interactions happen before, during, or after visits. If you are having trouble keeping your cool in these settings, and you think this may be why your family time is not increasing, talk to your lawyer, a parent advocate on your legal team or at your agency, or a therapist about what you can do to protect your time with your child.
Click here to read this story by a parent about calming her anger so as to not lose visits with her son. Worksheet name: Managing Anger During Child Visits (Rise)
You may be able to spend time with your child in the community, even if supervised. Just because your family time is supervised doesn’t mean you can’t see your child outside of an agency visiting room. Your agency is not required to supervise family time in the community, but ACS strongly suggests that it does.
If you think you and your child would be better off having visits outside the agency, talk to your caseworker, your caseworker’s supervisor, and your lawyer about whether this is possible.
You may be able to ask for family time support such as visit hosts and visit coaches. A visit host is someone who can supervise your family time in the community. Visit hosts can be relatives or friends. If you have a good relationship with your child’s foster parent, the foster parent may also be able to supervise your family time. ACS or the foster care agency can approve or “clear” resources that may be able to accompany you on visits in the community. Talk to people in your life who might be willing to be visit hosts and provide their information to your lawyer and caseworker as soon as possible.
A visit coach, who is often an employee of the agency, is someone who can work with you to improve your family time with your child and whose help can often lead to increased family time. If you are interested in working with a visit coach, ask your caseworker or lawyer how to connect to one.
Finding Support
When you have a child placed in foster care, fear of being judged can make it hard to reach out for help, but it’s also hard to get through your case if you don’t have someone you can share your feelings with, someone who can acknowledge injustices, and someone who can support you in overcoming obstacles.
Having professionals who know your strengths and are willing to help everyone else see those strengths can also make a difference in the outcome of your case.
Below are tools you can use with your lawyer, social worker, and parent advocate to brainstorm who to find support.
Find support from people already in your life. You can use the worksheet below by yourself or with a member of your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf., a parent or youth advocate at your agency, or your caseworker to think about the support system you may already have.
Worksheet name: Find Support From People Already in My Life
Find support from a professional, support group or mentor. The worksheet below can help you talk to your legal team, your caseworker or a parent or youth advocate at your agency about the kinds of support you might want to find through an organization.
Worksheet: Find Support From a Peer or Professional
Dreaming Again – Parenting Journey, therapy and writing are helping me believe in myself
by Latoya Fitzgerald
Being raised in foster care and my daughters ending up there used to seem like an unbreakable cycle. I had feelings of being stuck in the past. The abuse I encountered at home and in foster care left scars so deep. I suffer from them as I write this story.
Read this story about a young parent in care who found support through groups and mentoring.
Ask for letters of support from professionals in your life who know your strengths. Asking professionals who know your strengths, like doctors, teachers, and therapists, to write a letter on your behalf or speak in support of you in court can help your lawyer, caseworker, and court officials see that there’s more to you than the allegations against you.
You can make clear that you’re not asking anyone to say whether the allegations The “charges” against you in Family Court. Allegations are what ACS is saying you did or didn’t do that caused or could have caused neglect or abuse of your child. against you are true or false, unless they have some special information about that. You’re just asking them to let the judge know about the ways that they’ve seen you be an involved, competent, and caring parent, as well as any other strengths you have that they can share. Always discuss letters of support with your lawyer.
The checklist below can help you brainstorm professionals in your life who you could ask to write you a letter of support.
Worksheet: Brainstorming People Who Know My Strengths
A Service Plan Should Serve You
Completing your service plan An agreement with ACS detailing the services that will be required to address the safety concerns in the report. Service plans are based on an assessment of the family’s needs and circumstances. The family service plan should be prepared in consultation with the child if they’re 10 or older, with the child’s parent or guardian, unless they’re unable or unwilling to participate or their participation would be harmful to the child, and, when appropriate, with the child’s siblings. The plan shall include at least the following: Timeframes for periodic reassessment of the care and maintenance needs of each child and the manner in which such reassessments are to be accomplished Short-term, intermediate, and long-term goals for the child and family and actions planned to meet the needs of the child and family and each goal Identification of necessary and appropriate services and assistance to the child and members of the child's family Any alternative plans for services where specific services are not available and any viable options for services considered during the planning process Where placement in foster care is determined necessary, specification of the reasons for such determination, the kind and level of placement, any available placement alternatives, an estimate of the anticipated duration of placement, and plan for termination of services under appropriate circumstances is a critical part of reunifying with your child.
Healing from Past and Present Trauma2
Trauma The experience of an event that is emotionally painful or causes distress, which often creates lasting mental and physical impact.is a distressing experience that overwhelms your ability to cope. People can be traumatized by things like earthquakes or war, but research shows that the most devastating trauma occurs when people who are supposed to love us and keep us safe do us harm. Losing loved ones or your connection to loved ones can also be traumatic. Trauma can impact parenting and be one of the factors that contributes to a child being placed in foster care. Being separated from your family, placed in foster care, or having your child placed in foster care are also traumas.
Trauma can affect us in so many ways. These are some reactions to trauma that are pretty common:
- Avoidance: trying to avoid reminders of a trauma, like not going to a certain block, not seeing certain people, or not talking about it
- Hypervigilance: staying “on alert” all the time to try to stay safe
- Overreacting: reacting with anger, sadness, worry, or fear that is out of proportion to the situation
- Underreacting: “just sitting there” emotionally or physically despite danger
- Changes in eating or sleeping: too much or too little can both be signs of trauma
- Numbness: feeling like you’re not connected to yourself or not really there
- “Losing time”: not being sure how you got from one place to another, or what happened to minutes or hours
- Nightmares or bad memories that seem to take over your thoughts
Working with a trauma therapist can help you learn ways to calm your brain and body, make sense of your traumas, and understand the strengths you have as a survivor.
If you think you would benefit from trauma-focused therapy, speak to your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. or caseworker about how to connect to a trauma therapist. Make clear that you are interested specifically in a trauma therapist.
You can read stories by parents and interviews with therapists about healing from trauma.
- Read this story about how therapy helped one parent cope with her past traumas.
- This story explains how therapy helped one parent free herself from the trauma of her past.
- This interview explains what trauma is, how it can affect parenting, and how parent child therapy can help parents help their children heal from trauma.
- This interview explains how activities like art, writing, acting, yoga, and meditation can help the body heal from trauma.
- This interview explores how parents can know when their child might be struggling with past trauma, and how to give your child empathy and limits at the same time.
- Finally, this interview explains why most children who were abused do not grow up to abuse their own children, and why learning to set limits can help parents keep their cool.
Managing the Relationship with Your Caseworker
The role of the caseworker is a complicated one.
Your caseworker’s job is to help you connect to services and report to the court about the progress you’ve made so you can reunify with your child. Your caseworker may also be the person supervising your family time with your child. Because of this, it is important for you to try to build a relationship with your caseworker. You want your caseworker to understand what you need, know your strengths, and see the progress you’re making in your case.
But part of the caseworker’s job is also to report to the court any concerns they may have about why it might not be a good idea for you to reunify with your child. Whatever you tell your caseworker could turn up in a court report and be held against you. For this reason, it is very important to think carefully about how you present to and what you share with your caseworker.
How you make that decision is based in part on the particular relationship you have with your caseworker. Below are suggestions from parents, parent advocates, and caseworkers themselves for managing this tricky relationship.
It’s important to carefully weigh the risks and benefits of sharing information with your caseworker. It can be risky to be honest with your caseworker, but it can also be risky to be dishonest.
If you’re struggling with an issue and don’t know whether to tell your caseworker about it, it’s a good idea to talk it over with someone from your legal team first. Your legal team can help you weigh the pros and cons or help you think of the safest way to share your concerns.
It’s important to find a way to let your caseworker get to know you: One parent advocate suggests you start by telling your caseworker positive things about your family and show your caseworker that you know your child’s likes and dislikes. As you get to know your caseworker better, you can judge whether it’s safe to share with them some insights into the issues that led to your case.
The worksheet below can help you think about the ways you care for your child and then share this information with your caseworker.
Worksheet: Ways I Care for My Child
Keep a log of your accomplishments related to family time and your service plan. One way to increase the chances that your caseworker will tell the court what you have accomplished is if you keep a log of all the appointments and visits you attended, all the activities you did with your child, and all the services or other supports you found.
Keeping a log is as simple as getting a notebook and writing down the date with a few words to remind you of your accomplishments. You can also use a calendar or planner if that’s easier.
You can use your log to remind yourself of accomplishments you want to tell your caseworker. If you have a court date coming up, you can also use your log to ask your caseworker or lawyer to share your accomplishments in court.
If you missed an appointment or a visit and you had a good reason, it might be helpful to write that down too and share it with your lawyer and caseworker.
Caseworkers are responsible for helping your case progress, but they are also busy. Consider using phrases like, “I realize that you’re really busy, but I need your help so that I know what I need to do.” Or, “I need your help so that I can help myself and my family.” Inform your caseworker about your concerns before you speak with their supervisor; and remember that there are also other people who can help you, like a member of your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf..
This advice from a parent advocate can help you manage your relationship with your caseworker.
You can take the first step to find out what your caseworker expects of you. It would be great if all caseworkers always shared with you how they’re evaluating you or what they’re going to write in their court report, before you go to court. Unfortunately, that doesn’t often happen. If possible, try to reduce the chances that you are surprised by what is in the court report An account of alleged child abuse or neglect that is told to staff at the State Central Register or Child Abuse Hotline. Reports are supposed to be made when there is a belief that the child is at imminent risk of harm..
You can ask your caseworker: “What do you need to see from me to write a court report that moves my case forward? What should I keep doing and what do I need to do differently?”
The article below, by a former caseworker, is about building trust and confidence with a young parent who grew up in foster care. Your caseworker may not be as open and honest, but maybe some of the ideas in the article will help you interact more effectively with your caseworker.
Transparency and Trust – As a case planner, I know I have power over parents’ lives—and I try to share it.
by Kathryn Hall
When a foster care agency first receives a case, the agency is required to make contact with the family within 72 hours. During the first contacts, case planners are expected to establish a positive connection with parents. But making that connection can be a challenge when case planners also represent the system that has taken parents’ children.
Managing the Relationship with Your Child’s Foster Parent
It can be painful to have your child in someone else’s care, and relationships with foster parents are often rocky, but building a good relationship with your child’s foster parent can provide more opportunities to connect to your child, since that foster parent might be able to supervise family time or allow you to talk by phone or video with your child. Building a good relationship with your child’s foster parent also makes it more likely that you will reunify with your child.
There are no guarantees when it comes to parent-foster parent relationships—so much of it has to do with the attitude of your child’s foster parent—but knowing your rights, as well as tools to create a strong working relationship from the beginning, may help.
You have the right to meet your child’s foster parent at the beginning of your case. That meeting is called the Parent to Parent meeting.
The Parent to Parent meeting:
- should be held with your caseworker within two business days of your child being placed in foster care, though they don’t always happen that quickly. If your child has already been living with a foster parent for more than two business days, ask your caseworker or lawyer about the meeting.
- is an important opportunity for you to let the foster parent know your child’s likes and dislikes (favorite foods, favorite toys, favorite colors), what scares your child, what makes them happy, and any important special needs or routines, such as how you provide your child with necessary medication.
- allows you to ask the foster parent about how your child is doing and any questions you have about your child’s wellbeing.
You may want to work with your caseworker and lawyer to prepare for this meeting so you know what information you want to share, what toys or clothes you want to make sure your child has, and what questions you want to ask.
You can ask the caseworker to help you make a co-parenting plan with your child’s foster parent. A co-parenting plan is not a set of rights, and, unfortunately, if you and your child’s foster parent do not have a good relationship, you won’t have the power to insist that the foster parent abide by your agreement. Nonetheless, it can help you build a more positive relationship with your child’s foster parent if you take time from the beginning to create a shared understanding of how you will parent together. This may be hard to do by yourself, so you could ask your caseworker to work with you and the foster parent to come to an agreement. Your agreement can include anything, including:
- How and how often you will communicate with your child’s foster parent in order to share information and concerns.
- How and how often you can communicate with your child by phone or video in between visits.
- How doctor’s appointments, parent-teacher conferences and other appointments will be scheduled so that both you and the foster parent can attend.
- Howand how often you will be kept up to date on how your child is doing in school, including seeing samples of your child’s work, and how you and the foster parent can address any issues your child might be having at school.
- How you will connect with your child during holidays, birthdays and other special occasions.
- How the traditions and routines that you have with your child can be maintained whenever possible.
Talk to your lawyer if you believe your child’s foster parent is trying to hurt your relationship with your child. Unfortunately, not all foster parents are supportive. Some foster parents can try to hurt your relationship with your child and undermine your chances of reunification. If you believe this is happening, talk to your lawyer about your options. You can also talk to members of your legal team A team that represents you in family court. You may have two separate legal teams: one that represents you as a young person in foster care, and a second that represents you if you become the subject of an investigation for abuse or neglect or if you go to court as a respondent parent in a child protective case. The two legal teams can collaborate with your permission, and support you in both types of cases. Both of your legal teams are made up of a lawyer, social worker, and advocate. Your lawyer is responsible for representing your best interests in and out of court. They will advocate for your needs in court, and explain the legal process to you. If you face abuse or neglect allegations, they will respond to those allegations. The social worker will work with your lawyer and your advocate to ensure that your needs are heard and understood, and, if you are facing allegations against you, to understand the circumstances that led to them. Your social worker or your advocate can work to connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Your social worker cannot represent you in court nor can they provide legal advice, but they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. Your advocate is a trained professional who is responsible for helping you navigate the child welfare system and advocating for your rights. Like your social worker, your advocate can also help connect you to supports and services that are right for you. Many, though not all, advocates have been youth in care or parents who were impacted by the child welfare system themselves, and may be able to understand some of what you are experiencing because of their own experiences in the system. They cannot represent you in court nor provide legal advice. But they can attend conferences with you and speak with your caseworker on your behalf. about how to protect your relationship with your child and your chances of reunification, even if the judge is not willing to change your child’s foster home.
This story by a father celebrates two foster mothers who helped him build a bond with his child.
Footnotes
1 Material in this section was adapted from Rise’s Tips for Visiting.
2 This section was adapted from material provided by Rise.
